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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26121469">Sad Beautiful Tragic</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Average_Chuck/pseuds/Average_Chuck'>Average_Chuck</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Emotional Hurt, M/M, Melancholy, Sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:14:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,763</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26121469</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Average_Chuck/pseuds/Average_Chuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The rise and fall of a rushed love and the reasons it would never work out</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Carlisle Cullen/Charlie Swan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The melancholy of Carlisle Cullen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For an enriched experience check out the sugested soundtrack of each Chapter</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>On a rainy afternoon, Carlisle says goodbye to the last summer love he has experienced</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For a sader experience the Sugested Soundtrack is:</p><p>Exile - Taylor Swift ft Bon Iver</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Returning to <em>La Push</em> without you feels nostalgic like when you just have the nicest dream but the sun decides it is time for you to wake up and so you do, but you want to savor the lingering happiness from the dream and then it hits you, you can't recall what was in the dream and so, the nostalgia for what you had and just lost embraces you and sunks you into it with no escape route in sight.</p><p>    As I stand in the cloudy shore I close my eyes so I can feel how the cold sea air caresses my even colder face, and it does it with a certain tenderness that reminds me of the tips of your fingers and the way they used to work their way from my neck to my hair.</p><p>     I took a deep breath and try to focus on the soothing and rhythmic sound of the waves breaking as they reach the grayish shore, it makes me thing of those times when, lying with my head on your chest I had the joy of listening to the beating of your heart , nevertheless, everything feels out of place, but somehow this is how it has always been for me, an how it will forever be, at least from now on, for you, for us. </p><p>     I can feel the canine eyes gazing upon me, I can hear their agitated breaths getting nearer from the forest at my back. I know I shouldn't be here, but after all that's happened my feet found their way here before I even realize, and I really don't blame them for bringing me here. </p><p>     The clouds covering the sky start to get darker anouncing the usual 7 pm rain, I think I should leave soon, but the memory of us lying in the wet sand and looking at the stars after spendinding the afternoon swimming and laughing at some dumb joke you just did retainsme in my place. </p><p>     I recall the way you look that night, the way your voice sound when you laugh, and how our eyes locked on eachother like they saw them for the first time, I remember our hands timidly trying to grasp each other, mine yearning for the touch of he who lies at my side and has the reflection of the stars in his eyes. </p><p>     The recall of memories keeps me in my place and forbids me from moving a single muscle, it's like a profound desire to cling on those last days of this never-ending life with its brief and fragile glimpses of light and happiness, glimpses I could only see thanks to you.</p><p>     Suddenly a blind pain hits my chest and I can see the loving eyes of Esme, my wife, the one who shares this kind of existence with me, I can not stop thinking of how much I've hurt her, and the undeserved pain that I caused her out of sheer selfishness. </p><p>     The rain starts to fall, softly at first, like a breeze that wants to refresh the thirsty and slowly gets more and more heavy, drenching not only my clothes but my soul, and the pack of dogs among the trees that have started to growl at me as a final warning. </p><p>     Finally I have found the strength to move myself after a few hours of staying still and numb at what surrounds me. As I approach my car, the raindrops mix themselves with the saltines of some lost tears and the sadness of all the pain I have caused. </p><p>     This is it, I start the engine and stare one last time at the beautiful yet depressing sight that <em>La Push</em> offers, the thought of you saddens me, the thought of me disappoints me, the thought of Esme hurts me, but it is time to say goodbye. </p><p>     As I drive the beach gets smaller in the rear-view mirror, I start to unsink from the melancholy "and to think that Alice promise me this were going to be fun" I said as I chuckle to myself, well I suppose it was, to think that a 300 years old being could have one last summer of love. </p><p>     I guess I have to thank you for the ride that this was, such beautiful memories, such loving moments, such sad reactions, such tragic love affair… Anyway, this truly was beautiful "thank you Charlie"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The cry of the swan</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Charlie is a mess we all now that, bu this is a cry for help</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For the most hurtful experience the Sugested Soundtrack is:</p><p>Red - Taylor Swift<br/>Valley of the dolls - Marina<br/>Born to die - Lana del Rey</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Saying goodbye has never been easy, specially when the future you have dream of is the one thing that you are struggling to maintain but no matter the amount of effort you put on it, the sad true is that it slips through your fingers just like sand, it eludes your grasp like water, it escapes your reach like air, leaving you hollow, broken and powerless but most of all, devastatingly solitaire </p><p>     Nevertheless, saying goodbye to the one you thought was your happily ever after is not the hardest part, nor seeing her depart with that little ray of sunshine sleeping in the baby chair and not knowing when or if you will ever see them again.</p><p>     Even though you are now alone, even tho the loving gaze isn't place over you no more, when the kind smiles and brief light kisses, or the tiny hands clinging to your finger have gone several miles away and you find yourself a stranger in your own house and in your own skin, that's not the worst, you have gone through that before. </p><p>     No, the hardest part is the aftermath, the count of the damages and the picking up of the shattered pieces of your heart and soul scattered across the house, the town, the lake, the forest, the beach, and all the places you have been together, as a couple and as a family, for the little time the last one was. And it's not hard because of the memories itself, it's hard because they keep yelling at you that you were not good enough and they remind you that you are not worthy of being loved. </p><p>     Deep down you know this is all your fault and you suppose you should have seen this coming, at least that's what Billy keeps repeating, but how could you? How could you when from the very beginning everything started to move forward faster and faster and faster? It was like a car on a downhill drive, except that this particular car didn't check the brakes before the drive and ended up smashed deep in the bushes causing lots of damage and leaving you behind as the only casualty.</p><p>     That's why you have to agree with Billy, this was your fault 'cause as long as you can recall she have always been like this, you can remember her entering the room like a force of nature and liting up the mood just like the midday sun, and that's when everyone turned to witness hurricane Renne, she just loved that, and you are not gonna lie, you loved that too. </p><p>     You should have known that when someone as wild and free as her put on a show for the same folks for too long, the reactions become repetitive and predictable, an unforgivable thing for the big entertainer Renee is, and there was the root of the problem, because she could never settel for insincere ovations, that's why she felt the urge to gather the tents and move to the next town where fresh audience awaits for her spectacle.</p><p>     Again, you should have suspected something, the signs were right before your eyes with all the Vegas show, but no, you wanted to believe in what you had -what you thought you had-, you wanted to believe in the both of you, in her, but mostly you wanted to believe in yourself. </p><p>     And that's because the thought of you not being good enough for her always creeped in the back of your mind, after all, the way she came into your life was a polar opposite of your own life and your personality and you have always been a sucker for that opposites attract kind of shit. </p><p>     When you first saw her, she was accompanied by the sons of Eos, carried in the wind like a colorful and playful kite, but you forced her to land, to stay on the ground, tied and unhappy, and what for? To exhibit her like a trophy you have won, an award that proved that Charlie Swan isn't friggid and dead inside.</p><p>     Your selfishness drove you to cage her, to try and rip her wings off just because her presence soothed you, and is the same selfishness the one that is now sealing your destiny.</p><p>     So now, all that is left is the sight of you waving at a car driven by someone who wont wave back, the time has come for you to go back inside, to stay in the cold house, away from the sun, the people and the love the profess to every little ting but you, because lets face it, you are dumb, numb and slow, who would want that?</p><p>     They are gone, you stopped seeing the car ten minutes ago, but still you stayed put in case Renne decided this was not really what she wanted, you hoped that realización hit her like a truck and she turned the car and ran back to your arms but that was just wishful thinking. </p><p>     The sky turned dark as if it was mimicking and reflecting your inner state so that everyone in town could see just how miserable you are. The rain started to fall and you decided it is time to go back inside, as you enter the house you start to feel small, more than the usual.</p><p>     The walls grow around you making you feel trapped and the colors on the things she bought to make this look like a home started to lose it, everything turned gray, and as the color escaped your reality so does the warmth you used to feel when she and the little Bella were around you. </p><p>     The departure demolish you, that's fact, but the upcoming months have, little by little burned you to de ground, there are no more days or weeks, there is just growing pain and nightmares, the time is now divided between numbness and cry and the thought of stopping the suffering and leaving this plane of existence has crossed your mind more than one time. </p><p>     And now, as you stand before the bathroom mirror and you look into those haggard eyes with no light on them, and that disheveled figure with no hope on its bones you start to question your courage to, because the meere feeling of the cold blade against your skin makes you shiver. </p><p>     Come on Charlie, the moment of truth has come, come on, you ought to do this, it is time to get us out of this misery you have put us in, prove yourself a man…</p><p>     Do it… </p><p>     Do it!!... </p><p>     DO IT DAMNIT!!... </p><p>    ... </p><p>    .. </p><p>    . </p><p>    . </p><p>    . </p><p>     "SHUT THE FUCK UP !!" I shout at myself as I punch the mirror "shut up, shut up, shut up!" the blood starts to drop from my injured knuckles and falls to the bathroom floor. </p><p>     "just… please, no more… just… make it stop, please…" I beg as I drop to the red stained floor and curl up to a sobbing ball. </p><p>     The hot tears fall down my cheeks "I just want this to stop hurting" I exclaim even though I know my call won't be answered by anyone.</p><p>     After then minutes I finally stand, wipe my face, put on a bandage and walk out to face another pointless day in my sad existence.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Deceiving Ideal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The life and denial of a very lucky, very happy Esme Cullen</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For a more false experience the Suggested Soundtrack is:</p><p>Bleach blond baby - Poppy<br/>Chained to the rithm - Katy Perry ft Skip Marley</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Although I do not have the need to sleep anymore, the feeling of lying next to my husband relaxes me, it is nice to have him around, to see his handsome features, those golden eyes framed by long blond eyelashes, the soft hair falling in his face as he rests his head on the pillow next to mine, his mere presence reassures the luck I have of being with him. </p><p>     As the morning time pases, the timid rays of sun that pass through the thick clouds of this town find their way to our bedroom resting on the pale yet loving lips of his. "Honey, I think it is time to get up" I say as I hear the boys getting up in their respective dormitories. </p><p>     "I know, I know" he says in a lazy tone closing his eyes one last time and releasing a heavy sigh "you know I can hear them too right?" he adds while rubbing the bridge of his nose, I can see he is a little bit upset, after all today is his day off from the hospital, I guess he would rather spend the day reading once again those old books in his studye, I have to admit sometimes I think he prefers the company of the printed word over mine, but I now that's just silly. </p><p>     We got up from the bed at the same time, each on their respective side changing our clothes for the ones Alice and I have chosen to fit in, I have to admit I do not love the whole shoulder pads thing, thankfully they are getting old, hopefully the don't have a comeback in twenty years or so, anyway, I have to take my time with the hair so Carlisle decides to get ahead to greet our children.</p><p>     Finally, after fifteen minutes and half of a bottle of hairspray I come down, hearing the voices coming from the kitchen nearer and nearer, once I stand there I can see them, my beautiful children all of them perfect in every way possible and each perfect in his or her own way.</p><p>     "good morning darlings!" I say as I walk to Edward so I can hug him, "'morning mom" they say at the same time, after hugging him and giving a kiss on the cheek to Rose and Emmet I approach Alice by the window and hug her from behind "sweetie, have you seen Carlisle?" I ask "yeah, he went out with Jaz to hunt, I don't think they'll loiter much" she says not looking away from the window "thank you sweetie" I say, making my way to the laundry room, since there is still clothes to wash and dry and I have nothing better to do. </p><p>     But before I step foot out of the kitchen Alice calls me "Esme, I had a visión, I think is important and I want to talk to everyone about it, is the afternoon ok?" she asked "of course it is!" I respond with a smile "you sure is not urgent?" she just shook her head "then I'll gather everyone at… one?" I ask "perfect, thanks!" says Alice and then waltzes back to the window she was so interested in before.</p><p>     I resume my way to the chores thinking that it must have been a big visión if she wants to gather all of us. Three hours have pass until I can hear Alice greeting Jasper back from the hunt so I go greet Carlisle myself, only to find one of the biggest nightmares of every house wife and mother, my cherished son all covered in blood, I run to him to make sure he is unharmed, checking him all up. </p><p>     Once I was sure he was ok I turned to Carlisle just to see him equally drenched "what happened?" I ask a little too high pitched due to concern "a bear took us by surprise" answered Jasper behind me "but we managed well" he added, "clearly not well enough" I protested at Carlisle "look at your clothes, and that shirt was brand new! you could have been more careful" I say "Esme, dear, buying shirts is not a problem" he answered somehow annoyed "in fact this is a great opportunity for Alice to spend more money, anyway… I'll go wash myself" and with that he took off "don't take too long, Alice wants to share a visión she had" I say before he disappears down the corridor waving in understandment but not turning.</p><p>     The time pass and I entertain myself with minor tasks like folding and ironing until is a quarter before the gathering, as I promise Alice y walk through the house and tell everyone to head to the living room, the last place I enter is Carlisle studye, and as I enter I can see him absorbed in the pages of a thick old volume.</p><p>     "Honey!" I say as I knock on the wall "yes dear, need something?" he asks without taking his eyes off the text, I clear my throat and say "yes, honey, we are waiting for you in the living… Alice vision, remember?", "oh, right!, I'll be right down thank you dear, oh and could you please close the door behind you? Thanks" is his response. </p><p>     I turn around and an uneasy feeling takes over me but as it crawls up my spine I shake it off, the last couple of months Carlisle have been like this, a little harsh now and then and very moodie actually, I supuse work is not getting easier in the ER, he even mentioned that he needed a change of scenario… Maybe that's it, we all need a vacation, surely he'd love that, a few days on a nice calm beach, yes, that's what he needs. </p><p>     After the glorious realization I finally reach the living room where Edward, Alice and Jasper already are, not much passes until Rose and Emmet join us, and after five minutes Carlisle arrives sitting across the room from me so he can have a clear view of all, I assume.</p><p>     "Alice, Esme said you have something to tell us about a vision?" Carlisle begun, "yes, yes I do, and it is fantastic news for all" responded Alice exited as always "and for one of us in particular" she adds as she turns to face Edward with a huge grin on her face, but Edward obliviously just tilts his head with interest. </p><p>     "so… what is it?" asks Rose "ok ok, be prepared" said Alice, "I saw Swan", we all wait for her to add more information that helps us understand what she is referring to, until Emmet asks "swan as in the white angry bird? 'cause those things are agresive you know?" Alice chuckled "no, not as in the bird, I saw Swan as a last name, so it means is a person", "and how exactly is that person relevant for us?" asked Rose, a little irritated. </p><p>     "well, you see, this was not the clearest vision, I couldn't see more than that, but the feeling of shearing a love bond was quite strong, so, my guess is that we might have found a special she for our favorite bachelor" with that we turn towards Edward for his response "but, you are not even sure who she is, or if she is even a she!" is what he said, "ohh so you are gonna bring us some rainbow!" teased Emmet making Rose suppress a laugh. </p><p>     "boys please, that's enough" intervened Carlisle before Edward could give a come back other than the cold glare he was holding, "Alice although this is quite interesting we need more information in order to make a smart move, you know that" added Carlisle, "I know, that's why I have a plan, I want to go to Forks in order to gather intelligence on this subject" Alice said, "and why to Forks in particular?" I asked, not quite sure on to why she had chosen to start there.</p><p>     "didn't I mention the high school in the vision? Sorry, my bad" she added "anyways, since there's not much more info to add, I now propose the following: Carlisle and I go there on the facade of two orphan siblings, that way we can play the righteous big brother and the rebellious sad little sister and our investigation won't rise suspicions, also the whole family won't have to move in case the timing is not appropriate, thoughts?", after a brief moment Edward asks about Jasper "you two are practically glued together, won't he be with you?" and Carlisle responded to him "Jaz is having some trouble with his thirst, so it is better if he stays and actually I think the best thing would be for me to stay with him for support, Edward can take my place in the plan, after all he should be the most interested in meeting this tall dark stranger girl… or boy" he adds with a grin and winks at Emmet. </p><p>     After the light laugh in all of us except for Edward who once again was glaring at Emmet, I notice the pout mixed with sad puppy eyes in Alice's face, not wanting to see her like that I propose "but honey, you have been a little stressed by work, wouldn't be this a perfect opportunity to take a break and start refreshed once you two or maybe three come back? Also is always good to have someone that could fill in the role of the responsible grown up". </p><p>     I then notice the light returning to my daughter's eyes and I suspect Carlisle can see it too 'cause after releasing a breath and relaxing his face he answers" I guess you are right, dear, some time apart won't hurt us, then it's settled Alice and I will go together" at this Alice runs to Carlisle arms to thank him "this will be great! We should go as soon as we can" she says and Rose adds "well if this is it I'll excuse myself, there's a leak on the mustang that needs to be attended".</p><p>     Once those words were pronounced everyone head out and I proceed to pack some clothes for Carlisle convinced that this will be good for him, who knows, maybe he can even have a small adventure over the summer. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Or On the road</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The wholesome begining of the journey.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For a Wholesomer reading, the suggested soundtrack is:</p><p>Fast in my car - Paramore</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Honey, your suitcase is ready, would you like to check if there's something else you'll need?" Esme said with an unnatural grin on her face "Thanks dear, I'll check it" I say as I keep on staring at the bookshelf thinking what would be good to visit again since I will have some spare time due to this scheme Alice planed.<br/>
I finally decided on Frankenstein, The picture of Dorian Gray and La peste, some light readings to leave me the opportunity to find new gems along the way. I go from the study to the shared room I have with Esme to check what she has packed, I see the suitcase lying on the bed, and take a deep breathe before opening it, just bracing myself for the selection.<br/>
To my surprise all I can see, at least on the first layer, is a very neat group of white shirts, then some white and black trousers, socks and some underpants, and almost hidden in a corner some papers that read Vampire Diaries on the first, and in a little bag on the side I find a pair of black and brown shoes.<br/>
Baffled by the clothes in front of me I just stay still until Esme enters the room "so? Is everything allright honey?" she asks "not quite dear, first of all, what is with the selection? I thought Alice said I was going to act as a young adult" I say, "Oh yes, that's why I picked the more neutral clothes you have, that way  you can complement with whatever you find best" she adds with a smile "ok…" I say  realizing all my clothing can enter in the neutral box, "and the papers?", "oh, that" she chuckles "a friend of mine is writing a series, I thought you could find it entertaining and refreshing, it is a nice approach on our kind!", after that I just sigh, "Thank you dear, I'll be on my way then".<br/>
With that I proceed to pack the books, close the suitcase and go to the garage where I'll wait for Alice to show up, before I leave the room I hug Esme with tendernes and kiss her goodbye on the cheek "I'll be back soon" I say, "I know you will, is ok" she answers and leaves.<br/>
The moment I enter the garage Rosalie approaches me with a game of keys and says "here, you will be taking the BMW", "thank you Rose, is it ready?" I ask and she just nods before turning her atention to the mustang behind her, I walk to the back where the car is parked and see the trunk allready open, I proceed to leave the bags and close it, noticing five other are there.<br/>
I close the trunk and as I walk to the drivers sit I notice an extactic Alice sitting there with both hands on the wheel, a huge grin on her face and an optimistic shine in her eyes, I can even notice she is bouncing a little bit from the excitment, I knock on the glass for her to down it "young lady, I think you are on my seat" I say to her while smiling, "oh no, not this time sir, since this is my plan and our adventure I decided you will be the shotgun, so…" she says as she open her palm to me "keys please", I can see in her face nothing I say will make her move so I just give up, anyway, it will be nice to be driven around for a change.<br/>
Once we are on the road Alice turned to me with a dead stare "ok, we have to establish some ground rules, first of all, shotgun is in charge of music, second, you don't get to complain about the magnificent driving habilites of the chofer, and third and most important, you have to let your hair down" with that she fixed her eyes on the highway "all right…" I say as I turn on the radio searching for a good station until I find one with Verdi's Rigoletto, thinking I did just fine I mentaly pat myself in the shoulder until the sudden braking almost trows me through the windshield.<br/>
"what the!..." I say as I look with concern and resentment at Alice, "Carlisle, when I said you were in charge of music I meant good music, not something to put us to sleep" she said rather serious, "but… It is Verdi…" I protest, "and is old and boring, no 23 year old likes ópera in this century, at least not the worthy tipe", "then what do you suggest?" I ask, "I suggested that you let your hair down" she adds with a wink, "but… I wear my hair short… Is always down", to that I receive a glare "Carlsile… you are gonna be a challenge bigger than I have thought" she sais "lucky for you I like challenges, there are some casetes in the glove box, pic wich ever you like" she added.<br/>
Some time passed since I decided for the super awesome Emmet tapemix for cool road trips for me to gather the courage to ask and face the consequences of the words that left my mouth "Alice", "Yes my dearest Carl?", "I was hoping… Carl?", "what? you don't like it?", "is not that I dislike it as much as I feel the urge to ask: why?" I say with confusion painted in my face, "well, since we are playing the sad lonely orphan siblings I figure cute names were a must, if you don't like that one Carli is also an option, but let me tell you, your name does not help much" she said smiling at me, "No, please, Carl is fine, I guess… But no, I want to ask you something else", "shoot me" she answered, "well you'll see, Esme packed me some "neutral" clothes, but I think I will be needing some more pieces, so" I say as I lower my gaze "I was hoping you could help me find some stylish garments" to that she breathe in and put a hand in her chest as she turned to me "you have no Idea how much I have dreamed of this moment, but fear not my sweet inocente Carl, you are in very capable hands, we'll make a stop in a mall in Seattle and get you what you need", "Thanks" I added, feeling somehow more relaxed, this trip begins to look like it will be fun, or so I thought.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know it has been long, but I will resume the writing, promise :3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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